i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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