moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
