one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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