I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
