She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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