Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
