i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How external is "for external use only"?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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