Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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