How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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