Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
