So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
