Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
