Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
