Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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