There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You ruined the universe
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
