Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
