the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
