you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
