What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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