Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
