A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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