who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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