I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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