Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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