my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
