He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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