I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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