I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
