Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
