yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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