So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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