they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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