So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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