dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
