You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
