sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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