take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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