The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
