i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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