apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
