phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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