Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
