Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
