respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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