Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
