So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
