Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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