Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
