I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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