Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
