Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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