i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
