hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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