My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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