She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
